Sitting in my little fishing boat, I looked over to my old rusty house. I saw someone's car pull up on my rocky driveway. I wondered who would be at my house at 9:00 in the morning. I paddled back to land and I put the fishing boat back in it’s shed. I walked up the steps to my house and I saw a guy coming out of his car. I didn’t recognise him. I watched him for a little bit. Suddenly, he smashed a window and climbed into my house. I quickly got out my phone to call 111 but there was no cell reception. I quickly had to make a plan b. I ran to my gardening shed and got a spade. I quietly walked into my house, and started to look for the man. Then, I saw the man taking stuff off the shelves. I yelled out to him “ leave my stuff alone!!”. He dropped the stuff that was carrying. But then, he pulled out a gun. I begged him for mercy but he shot anyway. The bullet went right through my shoulder. He quickly grabbed my stuff and ran away. Lying on the ground, I heard his car driving away. I looked at were the bullet had hit me. It had gone all the way through. I walked to my bathroom were I would find the first aid kit. I wrapped a bandage around the were the bullet had hit me.
Hi Macy it is Harriet here. Next time you could add a bit more of the story in so it is longer if you wanted to. I loved it and it made me want to read it for ages.
ReplyDeleteHi Macy Olivia here, your story is really good. I love your descriptive words. One thing that you probably should work on is finishing it because you told me it isn't finished and I like reading finished stories. Other wise I think it was really good.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I will finish next time we have 15 min writing
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